Neji, Sasuke, Pick Up Lines and the Bet
by NejiKikyoAnimeRose
Summary: The title says it all. Comment please!
1. The Bet

"No way, dobe. "I'm not doing that," Sasuke's voice came out irritated and bored, but Naruto persisted.

"Come on, Teme!" he whined. Sasuke shook his head. Naruto changed his tactics. He shrugged indifferently.

"Fine," he said. "You'll probably lose anyway, and then you'd be broke." He sighed in a "that's-too-bad-but-what-are-you-gonna-do" kind of way. Sasuke tensed. Stupid, color-blind overactive bastard always knew how to wind him up.

"Okay, I'll do it," he grumbled. "Happy?" Naruto grinned hugely.

"Yup! And remember what the conditions are," he said, sticking his hand out for Sasuke to shake. The raven-haired nin took it and let the blonde boy shake his own hand violently. When the Uzumaki finally released his hand, Sasuke turned and walked away from the smirking Naruto.

_Bastard…" _Sasuke thought as he walked. His thoughts were penetrated by a voice calling to him.

"Uchiha!" Sasuke turned and saw Hyuuga Neji walking toward him, wearing an all-too-familiar look on his face. He was carrying a sheet of paper and he stopped a few feet from Sasuke.

"What do you want?" Sasuke grouched, his bad mood clear in the tone he was using. Neji raised an elegant eyebrow, seeing the Uchiha's obvious scorn, but decided to ignore it.

"Tenten and Lee have a bet going," he stated matter-of-factly. His voice was stoic, as always, but his eyes showed all the distaste he was trying to hide. "They want to see how many girls I can…" He paused and took a deep breath and let it out again before he continued. "They want to see how many girls I can…pick up…with these." He held the sheet of paper he was holding out to Sasuke, who just stared at the Hyuuga for a moment before taking the paper. He looked over the pick up lines and almost literally gagged. _WHAT!!_ These were horrible! Even Sasuke could see that, and he never tried to pick up any girls! He looked up at Neji and saw the look of embarrassment on the other's face, no doubt at his teammates' stupidity.

"And you agreed to do this?" he asked incredulously. Neji went slightly red and shrugged.

"They forced me," he said. "They said they'd force me to spend a day with Naruto, Lee and Gai-Sensei if I didn't." He shuddered and Sasuke could tell why. An entire day with the three creepiest people in Konoha? No wonder Neji agreed. "And it's not so bad," Neji continued. "They promised they'd leave me alone if I did do it." Sasuke looked at him.

"Why not just don't and say you did?" he asked. Neji looked back at him.

"I have to write a list of the girls I try to pick up and they're going to go around and…ask if I really did…you know…" he answered dejectedly. Sasuke's mouth almost dropped as he stared at the brunette prodigy. Hyuuga Neji, heir to the esteemed Hyuuga clan, master of the Byakugan, reduced to trying to pick up girls with **these**!? The thought made Sasuke shudder. Then, he was hit by a sudden thought.

"But, why come to me?" he asked. Neji's face became slightly desperate.

"Well," he started awkwardly. "I figured you'd know more about these sorts of things, and that…maybe…you…could…" Neji scowled and broke off, looking at Sasuke's amused face. Sasuke suppressed a laugh.

"You want me to help you," he asked. "Pick up girls with THESE?" He held the pick up lines in Neji's face and shook the page for emphasis. Neji rolled his eyes, his scowl deepening.

"Point taken," he said through gritted teeth. He reached out and snatched the papers from a now slightly shaking Sasuke, who was trying very hard to hide his laughter.

"Hold on, there Hyuuga," he called. Neji stopped and turned his head.

"Yes?" he said pointedly. Sasuke took a deep breath and avoided looking at the Hyuuga while he replied.

"How many girls do you have to…pick up?" he asked, his eyes now watering from trying not to laugh. Neji grimaced at Sasuke as he turned the list over and stuck it under Sasuke's nose. Sasuke looked it over. There was a list of girls Neji had to try to pick up and they were all girls that he knew. It seemed that they were being merciful to the poor prodigy. There were only five:

Yamanaka Ino

Haruno Sakura

Hyuuga Hinata

Temari

Tenten

Sasuke looked at Neji.

"You have to try to pick up your own cousin?" he asked, a little disgusted. Neji looked positively revolted, but nodded weakly. Sasuke shook his head, but shrugged.

"Well, at least it's all girls you know," he said. Neji raised his eyebrow.

"I don't know Temari, and I really can't say that I like Sakura or Ino, and as for Hinata…well, you know the trouble with that," the prodigy said. Sasuke smirked and chuckled.

"Well, then," he said. "Start choosing the pick up lines you're going to use. I'll help you with that much." Neji nodded, thoroughly angry, and Sasuke shook his head, smirk still fixed on his face, and started to help him decide between the corny pick up lines.

**Comment, please!! **

**I got the idea for this fanfic from my friend when she brought in a list of corny pick up lines that guys use on girls! **

**I thought of who would sound the funniest saying these pick up lines and I immediately thought of Neji! And Sasuke. I couldn't pick between them so I decided to do a fanfic involving both of them! **


	2. Ino

"What the hell!?" Neji screamed, when he read the first pick up line. "These are horrible!" Sasuke looked at him in a disbelieving way.

"Wait," he said. "You didn't read these?" Neji looked at him and shook his head. Sasuke sighed and massaged his temple.

"Okay," he muttered. "Well, then, look them over quickly and tell me which ones are out, and which ones you might consider." He watched as Neji read over the list, wincing when he came across a particularly bad one. The sadistic Uchiha smirked when he saw the gag reflex kicking in.

"I-I think I want to spend the day with Naruto," Neji spluttered when he had finished. Sasuke chuckled.

"Just get it over with," he said, grabbing the paper from Neji. "Here. Say this one to Ino." He pointed to a line on the page and Neji walked over to read it. He winced and turned to stare at Sasuke with an open jaw.

"W-why that one?" he stuttered. Sasuke cringed, embarrassed at Neji's sudden lack of backbone. He sounded like Hinata!

"Because, it's not as sex-related as some of the other ones and it's one of the more commonly used ones," the Uchiha answered impatiently. Neji raised an eyebrow at Sasuke's answer.

"You seem to know a lot about corny pick up lines," he said. Sasuke turned away and said, "Ugh." It wasn't **his** fault that girls, and sometimes guys, used those lines on him all the time.

"Just say the damn line, Hyuuga!" he said to Neji, who took a step back, eyeing the raven haired nin warily. He nodded. Sasuke shook his head, and smirked.

"You better go find Yamanaka," he said. "I'll follow you." Oh, yeah! Sasuke wouldn't want to miss a minute of this! "But make sure you say the line like you mean it." Neji nodded and a look of panic crossed his face.

"How do I say it like I mean it?" he asked, sounding like a five year old who had just been told to spell "tuberculosis." Sasuke groaned, slapping his hand to his forehead.

"Just say it!" he shouted. Neji went white. He turned and started walking in a random direction and Sasuke followed.

"How can we tell if you've successfully 'picked her up'?" Sasuke asked.

"If she blushes or shows a positive reaction," Neji replied in a hollow voice. Sasuke nodded.

"And, why aren't Lee and Tenten doing this with you?" he inquired.

"Because they're on a mission," Neji replied in the same tone. Sasuke sighed and shook his head. _Neji sounds like he's scarred for life._

Sasuke and Neji found Ino in her parent's flower shop, sitting behind a table with a bored expression on her face. When she saw Sasuke enter, she perked up and blushed. Neji turned to Sasuke.

"Okay, she blushed," he said. "Positive reaction. I'm done here." He started to turn but Sasuke glared at him and blocked the exit. Neji grimaced and turned to Ino. He walked up to her, fully aware that Sasuke had remained by the exit to prevent him from leaving, and to keep Ino from being distracted. A lot of good that was doing. The blonde Yamanaka kept looking around Neji to try and glimpse Sasuke. When Neji reached the table, Ino looked up at him and smiled.

"Hey, Neji!" she said cheerfully. "What's up?" Neji sighed. He hated beating around the bush but he **really** didn't want to do this.

_Still. _He thought. _Might as well get it over with._

He leaned over so that he was at eyelevel with Ino and placed his hands on the table for support. He picked a point over her shoulder to look at and took a deep breath. Luckily, Ino couldn't figure out what he was getting at.

Neji opened his mouth and, without blinking, said, "There must be something wrong with my eyes. I can't take them off you."

Ino's eyes widened and she froze. Neji waited in front of her, unmoving. He thought he had sounded very convincing.

Apparently, so did Ino. She blushed immediately and her eyes squeezed shut. She stood up and pointed at him.

"I KNEW IT!!" she screamed. Neji backed away from her. When she opened her eyes again, there was a crazy spark in them.

"I KNEW I WAS IRRESISTABLE!!" she cried, dancing around the table once, before turning back to Neji. "I KNEW YOU COULDN'T RESIST ME!! You may have at the Chuunin Exams, but that was just a lot of SELF-CONTROL!! You've been holding in your feelings for me ever since you saw me in the Forest of Death!!" She paused to emit a high-pitched squeal. "It's been nagging at you ever since, and now you just HAD to come and tell me that I'm GORGEOUS!! I KNEW IT!!" She stopped to squeal some more and Neji moved slowly and cautiously away from her until he reached the exit and then he ran out onto the street.

Sasuke was there, doubled over, laughing so hard Neji thought he might see the Uchiha's side split any second. He walked over to the raven haired boy and folded his arms. He cleared his throat. Sasuke looked up and only laughed harder. Neji rolled his eyes.

"Okay, I get it," Neji said, exasperated. Sasuke stood up, but was unable to stem the laughter. Neji waited patiently for the normally indifferent Uchiha to calm down.

When he did, Sasuke wiped his eyes and looked at the Hyuuga.

"Do you know what you sounded like?" he asked, still chuckling. Neji glared at him, as if daring him to answer that question. Sasuke got the picture. He nodded and turned back to the list, small laughs coming out of his mouth occasionally.

"Okay, so, who's next?" he asked. Neji looked at the list. He sighed.

"They're all equally bad," he said. "Tenten's an automatic 'no' because she's smart enough to see it coming. I don't want to say anything like that to Hinata for as long as possible. Temari's probably going to hurt me, so I guess that leaves Sakura." Sasuke nodded and turned the list over to scan the phrases and find one that would work on Sakura. He smirked maliciously at one of them and pointed it out to Neji.

"You're cruel, Uchiha," Neji sighed after reading the line. Sasuke chuckled.

"You try having her for a teammate," he shot. "Just do it and get it over with. Make sure you have sake when you say this one." Neji shook his head. _He's having far too much fun with this. _

**Hahaha!! I suddenly remembered when Ino tried to seduce Neji during the Chuunin Exams and he told her to get lost. It was perfect so I referenced it!! **

**Review please!!**


	3. Sakura

"Oh, look, there she is," Sasuke pointed to a pink haired shinobi walking with an ebon haired shinobi who just happened to be Neji's cousin, Hinata. Sasuke smirked.

"Good," he said. "Two for one. Go for it." Neji looked at Sasuke, panic written all over his face.

"I thought I was just going to talk to Sakura!" he said desperately. "I don't have one for Hinata!" Sasuke looked at Neji and handed him the paper and a small bottle labeled "Sake." Neji looked at it in disbelief.

"Where the hell'd you get this!?" he asked, slightly awed. Sasuke shrugged.

"Lee," he said simply. Neji closed his gaping mouth. Figures. Maybe that's why Lee told Neji he had to try to pick up Hinata…

Neji shook his head and took the bottle but didn't take the list.

"I will not try to pick up my cousin in the presence of Haruno Sakura!" he said firmly.

"So, you'll do it if I get Sakura away from Hinata?" Sasuke asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. Neji went bright red.

"N-no, of course not!" he shouted. Sasuke sniggered.

"Whatever," he said. "Just say it to Sakura, then, but, she's getting away." Neji looked and saw that Sakura and Hinata, indeed, were almost to the corner and out of sight. He sighed and hurried after them, opening the bottle as Sasuke had instructed and trying to make himself look even remotely drunk. _Damn! _He thought angrily. _Where's Lee when you need him? _Neji blinked and almost stumbled. _Did I just think that?? _

**Yeah, you did, hon! **

_Who the hell are you!? _

**Narrator. **

_What? _

**Nar-ra-tor. I'm the one who's making you do all this embarrassing, yet insanely awesome shit. **

_So it's you!! _

**Yup. **

_..Fu—_

**I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Now back to it Neji!! Sakura's waaaiiitiing!! **

_You..._

Neji shook his head, wondering if the mini conversation he had just heard in his mind was a signal that he should see a therapist. _Not the time. _He reminded himself as he neared the Haruno.

He reached her, finally, and called out.

"Hey, Haruno!" Sakura turned, a look of slight irritation on her face at having been called so rudely. She saw Neji and her face lightened slightly.

"Hey, Neji!" she said, giving him a slight wave. Next to her, Hinata went red and waved timidly at her cousin.

"H-hey N-Neji," she stuttered. Neji nodded to her and turned back to Sakura. He let his eyes flash from her head down to her feet and then back up again, pretending to appraise her. He raised an eyebrow, held up the sake bottle and looked at her.

"You know, Sakura," he said, trying his best to imitate the shaky and rather dumb voice Lee had when he was drunk. "I've had a lot to drink and you're beginning to look pretty good." He watched, slightly amused, as Sakura's face slowly began to turn deep, beet red. Her shoulders tensed and her fists clenched. Neji swore her face just might explode in a few seconds, and couldn't help but think that he would never find her attractive even if he drank all of Lee and Tsunade's sake.

"Ne-ji..!" Sakura hissed dangerously. Neji raised an eyebrow and took this utterance as a signal to run, which he most certainly did. He dropped his sake and ran for it, turning his head back only once to see Hinata desperately trying to restrain her enraged companion and trying even harder not to laugh.

He shook his head and ran back to his and Sasuke's meeting place, finding Sasuke, this time, on his knees and shaking with laughter.

"My god!" he shouted without looking up. "You. Looked. So. Stupid!! I really thought you were drunk!" He stopped and continued the stream of laughter, as Neji watched, slightly red and very much annoyed. He opened his mouth to say something but a piercing shout interrupted him.

"Neji!!" Neji turned and saw the still very red Haruno Sakura coming toward him, Hinata following behind, failing to control her giggles.

"I'm s-sorry N-Neji," she laughed lightly. "I-I couldn't s-stop her." She too was now clutching her stomach to prevent the unstoppable laughter. Neji's eyebrow rose slightly and soon he was faced with the angry pink haired Haruno, who wound her hand back behind her and let her fist fly, in a punch usually reserved for Naruto and his stupidity. Her hand connected with Neji's face, sending the brunette-haired shinobi hurtling onto his back. Before he hit the ground, however, he positioned his feet underneath him and managed to maintain the balance he had lost only a moment ago. He touched his fingers to the stinging skin on his cheek and sighed.

"I deserved that," he admitted, his eyes closing resignedly. Sakura snorted.

"The nerve!" she shouted, turning on her heel and marching away, muttering angrily to herself. Neji stood and watched her go, his hand still on his face where she had punched him. _It's just a good thing she didn't bitch slap me (1). _He thought, turning angrily to face Sasuke, whose laughter had increased what seemed like a thousand fold.

"You can stop now," he growled. Sasuke nodded, having as much success controlling his laughter as before. Neji scoffed and grabbed the list from the Uchiha, looking it over. His face twisted in disgust. Every single line on that god damn piece of paper sucked. It wasn't even worth Naruto's time to try any of these out.

Neji sighed and his eyes found his cousin, still trying desperately to control her laughter. _Ah, well. _He thought. _Might as well. _His eyes quickly returned to the list and he selected as humane a pick up line as he could and walked over to the black haired kunoichi, dreading every single step.

**Ha!! Please tell me if that one was okay! I wasn't sure! I just wanted to diss Sakura!! Sasuke did too. Heheh. **

**1) Hyuuga Neji cannot be bitch slapped by Haruno Sakura!! It's just fucking not right!! And impossible. Sakura under any other circumstances would never be able to come within five feet of Neji. **


End file.
